​You went to college or trade school, specialized and set your career and life path pretty early on.  20 years later you are still in your lane, doing what you do because it’s what you went to school for and were passionate about 20 years ago.  You have invested in your employer, career and are “following the plan” to retirement.  And yet……. Something in the back of your mind and heart are prompting you to get out of your lane and do something different…… Something more.  But wait!! Is that jumping out of the flow?
 
Here is the really simple, direct answer:  NO.  Staying in your lane when your heart, soul and passion are steering you in a different direction is 100% being in the flow.  THE REAL FLOW.  Not the flow society, your employer, your family and your expectations say it should be.  That’s just staying in your lane so you don’t disturb others with your wants and desires.  Listening to your heart and following your passion even if its contrary to what you were taught about how you should directionally manage your life is in fact staying in the flow of who you are meant to be.  
 
Personally, I have had a very fruitful and fulfilling corporate career. I have people reach out for mentorship and advise on how to get as far as I have as a woman and a person of color in a predominately male dominated industry.  I am humbled by the opportunities I have had and grateful for the experience.  However, I am a very different person from that 21 year old that started out having lofty goals for my career.  I want more and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!  More for me means following my entrepreneurial spirit, surrounding myself with a group that supports my values and my value.  Being true to myself, re-evaluating what fulfills me will lead me to a richer live.  I believe this for myself and for you.  So, here is the plan I follow to get to where I am meant to be and not necessarily stay in the lane society thinks I belong in:
 

• Check your motives:  Are you saying you want to shift or try something new because you want to run away from a situation or because you have a calling?  Think about it.  If you are running away then you are not running towards something.  Running away does not create positive momentum.  It only creates a small reprieve from what may be a bad situation.  If you feel like running away then identify why you are running, acknowledge it and then identify what you want to run towards.  Put emotion aside and think through what you really want out of life and honor it.  

 

• Set your intention:  When you know what you want you need to stand in your truth.  Fear of how you will be perceived or misunderstood or better yet, fear of being rejected will hold you back and reduce your ability to get to that level of fulfilment you are seeking.  Be clear in where you want to go.  Plan it.  Vision board it.  Journal it.  Accept it and know that if it’s your intention then it’s not meant for others, it’s yours.

 

• Don’t hide your truth:  We spend so much time worried about how others perceive us and how people will react to who we are and what we do that we hide.  Stop covering for the sake of others.  Stop covering because of fear.  Stop covering.  It does not serve you, feed your soul or support your core being.  Be open about what you want to do.  You don’t have to take out an add or post your intention on social media (unless you really want to because you are excited about your decision).  You do have to be honest about what you want to do with your life to your family and friends so that they can process it.  Yes, there may be resistance and some people will not get it.  Do it anyway.  It’s your life.  These are your goals.  This is your passion.  No one else will live your life for you.  Opinions are just that- other people’s thoughts that do not have a complete insight into who you are.  

 

• Test, learn and fail.  Get up and repeat and succeed:  You need to test out the waters of how to get to where you want to go.  It won’t be perfect but it will be great experience for you.  Live in a place of grace for yourself so when you succeed, celebrate.  When you fail, celebrate the lesson then get up and do it again.  You will get to where you are supposed to be and the path will be all your own.  

 
So, are you in the flow or just staying in your lane?  Where do you belong?

We say thank you to everyone. From the person that makes our morning coffee to our co workers.  If you are a believer you thank God, the universe, etc for the good and opportunities that come your way.  You may even have a gratitude practice.  But When was the last time you thanked yourself?  I don’t mean taking a vacation because you deserve it (and yes, you do deserve it).  I mean thanking yourself for just being.   

As with everything, we are told to put ourselves last and everyone else first.  Putting yourself first is selfish, yada yada yada………. I would argue that putting yourself first, even in your gratitude practice, allows you to see more of the things to be grateful for.  Here’s some food for thought:

• Being grateful for yourself and who you are is not selfish:  You are a fantastic human being!  No need to get validation from others if you know and accept this truth.  No matter who you are, where you are in life, you are great.  Ask your friends, they will tell you how awesome you are.  You need to tell yourself that.  
• Self-gratitude opens up doors:  When you are grateful for yourself, where you are in life and say thanks for your whole being (yes even your body- be grateful you have one and take care of it) you get a confidence boost that helps you to see beyond your limitations, whatever they may be.  Beyond those limitations are the opportunities you never imagined.  
• Starting with self-gratitude reduces negative self talk and impostor syndrome:  Negative self talk and impostor syndrome are the two biggest things that will hold you back.  No matter how grateful you are for everything and everyone around you if you are not grateful and honor who you are you will be swimming upstream of “the flow.”  Impostor syndrome ( you tell yourself you are faking it till you make it) is the worst kind of self talk.  It denies you the joy of what you have achieved and what you are capable of.  You can’t make it by faking it so really make sure when you hear the “I am not worthy,” I am not good enough,” and the dreaded “people will figure out I’m not any good” that you amp up thankfulness for you, your abilities and everything you are today,  

So what does self gratitude look like?  Wake up and do your gratitude practice then tell yourself how amazing you are, how deserving you are and what great things you will achieve today.  I do it in the form of speaking blessings over me and my life.  Try these out: 

• I am worthy of the opportunities that come into my life.
• I receive blessings every day.  
• I am worthy.

Do this in the morning, with your coffee, after lunch, etc.  make it a routine.  Routines re-wire your brain so that you build confidence, self assurance and self love.  

So, how are you grateful for yourself today?  What one thing have you said about you, to you that is inspiring you?  


​Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash

Sometimes, while we are in the flow, we can’t see the forest for the trees.  We feel stuck, like we are not moving.  Folks, the seed feels the same way when planted.  It can’t move, its surrounded by dirt and its looking for nourishment.  It pays attention to the little things:  the water that filters through, the nutrients it can absorb from its surroundings.  Eventually its able to grow, break through its shell and climb out of. The dirt to the sunshine.  In life we go through a similar process.  Here are some tips to know when it’s time to grow where you are planted:
 

• Be still:  Take a step back.  Look around you and determine, am I trying to get to something that is not there (yet) because I am planted?  Take time to notice the people and circumstances that are in your favor.  Just because it doesn’t look like your vision doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing (you just can’t see it yet; you are in the “dirt”).
• Absorb:  You are being given a unique opportunity to grow in an environment that may be a little alien to you.  Take advantage of the wisdom of those ahead of you and beside you.  You are there for a reason and really in the flow if you see this as part of the movement forward.  Taking pause to gain nourishment through experiences helps you to build momentum for your breakthrough. 
• Let yourself grow:  We tend to plan, have a vision and goals but really what matters most is to have taken the opportunities given and grow into what we were meant to be, not what we planned to be.  When you allow yourself this grace, you can achieve so much more than you ever thought possible!  Knowing what you should be is a little boring- what happens once you have achieved it?  When you let yourself become, you are constantly excited to see what comes next and can notice and appreciate all the opportunities that come your way.

 
So- are you planted and didn’t notice?  Are you willing to let yourself become who you were meant to be?


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​Photo by qinghill on Unsplash

​Being in the flow is a real thing.  When you are in the flow things seem easier, they just happen.  But being in the flow requires some action on your part.  You need to let go.  Yes, letting go is hard.  What should you let go of?  Do you even want to?  Why let go when the world tells you that you need to stand up and fight/argue/defend/state your truth……
 
Here are some thoughts on letting go that may help you make this an easier process:

• Identify what is causing resistance:  This one requires you to be honest with yourself.  If your hopes, desires, wants give you angst because they are not happening the way you want or fast enough…..LET THEM GO.   Anything that is causing you anxiety, sleepless nights, negative thoughts.  Yeah even if you want it so bad that you are “standing up for your truth” and getting worked up about it.  LET IT GO.  This is not easy since it will feel like defeat.  Know that it is not.  Honoring those negative feelings is self-defeating.  Letting them go is your win to open the door to the RIGHT things for you.  

 

• When you let go, DO NOT look for something else to latch on to:  I hear this all the time.  “Well that did not happen for me so I need to focus on something else.”  So really, you are replacing one thing you just let go for another.  Really (scrunch face emoji).  When you let go there is a feeling of emptiness or silence that can be difficult if you have never been alone with yourself before.  Sounds very yogi of me but hear me out.  Most of us live in a world or noise, chatter, distractions and hyperstimulation.  Part of that world includes the things that we are “working towards” that are just not happening at this time.  When you let go, it makes room within your psyche to re-evaluate, love yourself and really get to know what makes you happy.  So, make that room and get comfy in that quiet positive void.  Drop your artificial timeline and stay there for a while.  Being in a quiet space leaves room for you to notice the good things that are coming your way.  You will notice that they come effortlessly and although unexpected they will feel right.   

 

• When the good unexpected things happen, accept them and don’t try to look for what is missing:  You wanted that new job but instead you got a great opportunity to help the community. Yup, not what you were looking for but also did you know that this may be the path to your ultimate goal?  A lot of the time we miss the forest for the trees.  Receive the blessing, new opportunity, the unexpected and move forward.  Don’t look back or to the sides to see if there is something different.  

 
So, are you willing to be introspective and let go?  I promise it will be one of the best things you will do for yourself and will help you know that you are back in the flow.

​I am not sure why there is conflict between self-awareness and humbleness.  The reality of it is that we receive conflicting messages all the time on these two areas:  Stay humble = Put others first, don’t talk about yourself too much, do your work and you will be noticed (eventually).  Self-awareness = Know yourself, know your weaknesses, think before you speak (or email), know what you bring to the table, etc.  However, we refuse to say that self-awareness and staying humble can in fact show up in knowing and articulating your worth, speaking up for yourself and others, putting YOURSELF first because in doing so you are in fact better able to help others.  Maybe we need to go back and understand the meaning of humbleness, especially in the workplace.
 
Dictionary.com defines humbleness as:

      Noun

      The quality or state of being modest and lacking in pride or arrogance: We need to teach a      
       different kind of leadership, one where humbleness is more important than confidence.
 
     The quality or state of being or feeling low in rank, importance, status, worth, etc: We  
     observed the humbleness of the local homes, but also the hard-working ethic of the people  
     who lived in them.
 
Even these definitions give off the sense that humbleness = less than and less than somehow is a good thing.  The first example shows how engrained this idea this is in our culture.  When humbleness is more important than confidence, who is the one taking risks, who will pose the provocative ideas, who will move the needle forward with passion and vigor if that can be construed as the opposite of humbleness, arrogance?  When did being confident become a bad thing?
 
So what can we do.  In order to balance the scale between humbleness, self-awareness (including articulating your worth) and not coming across as arrogant, consider these:

• Don’t give into the hype:  Yes, this is hard but the reality is that you need to live with yourself and your decisions first.  Don’t apologize for who you are, your value or your awareness of it.  Don’t conform if it’s not a good fit for you.  
• Challenge thoughtfully:  It’s great that you have a voice, but are you using it wisely?  You want to be thoughtful as you put out your ideas and be opportunistic on when and where you articulate your worth (Yeah, opportunistic is not a bad word or behavior so long as you are thoughtful and are not taking advantage of others).
• Know your audience:  It’s fine to challenge and or speak your truth, but know your audience first.  If you know your audience is already set in their ways around awareness vs humbleness, think about what is your intent in pushing the envelope with them?  A lot of times we are screaming at the top of our lungs to be heard in front of those that unfortunately are not willing to listen.  So why are you there?
• Consider asking what humbleness means:  When you are getting feedback about your behavior I would ask you to ask questions.  If the “issue” is you need to be more humble, when you ask- tell me what I did that made you think I am not humble- it causes the other person to really think about their definition of humbleness.  Being assertive, confident, aware of your worth, innovative, etc. does not mean that you are not humble.  It may mean that your communication style needs tweaking or that you and that person need to come to a consensus on how you and your intentions are perceived.  *** Ladies, unfortunately arrogance is used more frequently when describing strong, confident women so we do need to brave up and have these conversations more often. 

 
So, how are you showing up today?  I propose we start showing up confidently self-aware and mindfulinstead of humble.  
 

You have been wronged.  You know it.  You feel it.  You are angry.  All very valid feelings.  Now, what are you going to do about it?  Life is full of ups and downs.  Bad things happen.  Things out of your control happen.  Other’s perceptions may affect you negatively.  For years……. And then, you need to move on.  Here’s why:

One of my favorite workplace culture definitions comes from toolbox.com.  This HR organization defines workplace culture as:
 
“……the cumulative effect that leadership practices, employee behavior, workplace amenities, and organizational policies create on a worker/internal stakeholder. It can be measured as either positive or negative work culture.”

I am sure you have heard this before “it’s important that you fit in.”  Whether at work or on social circles, “fitting in” and being accepted seems to be the golden carrot.  Yet we hear conflicting messages all the time!  The current voices in diversity, inclusion and equity are shouting from the rooftops “be your authentic self!”  And yet, you still hear whispers that maybe you are too boisterous, too direct, too quiet, too emotional, too much of “you” and not enough of someone that “fits into the culture” or better yet “represents the shared values of the organization.”

You know you’ve done this.  As much as you can think that you have moved on, sometimes you look back and think about the “what if.”  What if I would have said it/done it differently.  What if I would have gotten that job/opportunity/made that change.  Here’s the thing.  Once the door is closed the question is, “are you through the door or still standing in the same room?”.  I want to propose to you that when a door closes we are facing it from the other side and we are staring at it instead of turning around and looking into what the future holds.  You are not trapped.  Its’s just that you are still not facing the right direction. 
 
So why don’t we turn around?  I would argue that the main reason is tied to those “what ifs” we long for.  Think about it.  Even if you get what you most want you still wonder what else could be out there. When you feel like the door has been slammed in your face you stare at it and go through an exercise of self-evaluation, maybe blame yourself or others, then go through the grieving process.  All this while not turning around to see what’s ahead. 
 
Here’s my suggestion, take a moment and breathe, then do think about your “what if.”  But only stay here for a designated period of time.  This time will vary based on how you feel.  Do put a timer on it because this will be key in your ability to move forward.  Once your “time out” has elapsed, turn around and see what’s ahead.  Maybe that slammed door is a huge favor that gives you the closure (punt intended) to move away from that part of our life and into the next path.  Windows are even better.  A window opens lets you fly!!! So don’t think “well it was not a door but I’ll take the window.”  In my experience when a window open your are being gifted the ability fly into a future that is brighter and better only if you stop staring at that door next to the window.    
 
So, what door knob are you still trying to twist open?  Time to let go and look around you.  Greater things are meant for you than what’s behind that door.