DELPHA D. LEADERSHIP LIFESTYLE
  • Home
  • About
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Guest Blogging
  • Blog
    • L & L Videos
  • Coaching & Courses
    • Master Courses
  • Podcast
  • Publications
  • Contact

Doors & Windows

12/15/2020

0 Comments

 
We all know this quote, usually attributed to Alexander Graham Bell, “when a door closes, another opens.  But the full quote is much deeper than this:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so
regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has 
opened for us.”  (emphasis added)
Picture
You know you’ve done this.  As much as you can think that you have moved on, sometimes you look back and think about the “what if.”  What if I would have said it/done it differently.  What if I would have gotten that job/opportunity/made that change.  Here’s the thing.  Once the door is closed the question is, “are you through the door or still standing in the same room?”.  I want to propose to you that when a door closes we are facing it from the other side and we are staring at it instead of turning around and looking into what the future holds.  You are not trapped.  Its’s just that you are still not facing the right direction. 
 
So why don’t we turn around?  I would argue that the main reason is tied to those “what ifs” we long for.  Think about it.  Even if you get what you most want you still wonder what else could be out there. When you feel like the door has been slammed in your face you stare at it and go through an exercise of self-evaluation, maybe blame yourself or others, then go through the grieving process.  All this while not turning around to see what’s ahead. 
 
Here’s my suggestion, take a moment and breathe, then do think about your “what if.”  But only stay here for a designated period of time.  This time will vary based on how you feel.  Do put a timer on it because this will be key in your ability to move forward.  Once your “time out” has elapsed, turn around and see what’s ahead.  Maybe that slammed door is a huge favor that gives you the closure (punt intended) to move away from that part of our life and into the next path.  Windows are even better.  A window opens lets you fly!!! So don’t think “well it was not a door but I’ll take the window.”  In my experience when a window open your are being gifted the ability fly into a future that is brighter and better only if you stop staring at that door next to the window.    
 
So, what door knob are you still trying to twist open?  Time to let go and look around you.  Greater things are meant for you than what’s behind that door. 

0 Comments

Confronting Courageously

9/28/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture

Things in life happen.  We all have ups and downs.  Relationships move forward, take steps back and sometimes end.  Most people would say “That’s life.  Move on.”  This can leave you feeling like you need to “deal” with what happened, your feelings and what comes next as something to manage alone.  Not the best place to be especially when dealing with a big or traumatic event.  I’d like for us to take another avenue, that of confronting courageously. 
​

When you think about it, most inter-relational events happen not in a vacuum but as the culmination of a series of smaller occurrences.  A lot of the time the series of events happens almost imperceptibly.  Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Read More
1 Comment

Network Diversification

8/3/2020

0 Comments

 
Picture
Who’s in your network?  We have talked about those that influence, connect and support us.  But are those folks in your network all from the same or similar background, same level and or the same company that you work for?  Here’s the thing, you are not maximizing your network or its power if its comprised of the same type of people.
 
For example:  Imagine if one day you decide that you want to become a consultant in your area of expertise.  Who would you reach out to that has already paved some of the way, done the work to start up or has a clear line of sight at some of the hurdles?  If you haven’t added people with entrepreneurial spirit and experience in your network then you will be starting from scratch. Now let's push this example a little further. Maybe you do not want to go the entrepreneurial route.  Do you think you could benefit from the experiences of someone who has started a business or two, has developed his or her own product and is able to articulate value because that is what drives their business?  When put into this context I am sure you are saying “of course!!!” yet I wonder (and you should too) have you built those relationships already?
​

Read More
0 Comments

Flipping the Page

7/20/2020

2 Comments

 
Picture
The new normal is setting in. More and more we are seeing that, even when we hope we could go back to the ways things were, its not going to happen (any time soon). The new normal has us working from home, home schooling at least part time going forward, Amazon as our BFF for life, connecting remotely, and with a chosen few, connecting in person. How you move on and create/recreate your life in a rich, meaningful way may have you feeling a little lost and uncertain. I have had these feelings and lately I am working on making sure I am fulfilling my best life ever right now versus waiting for something to change before making things happen. Here’s what I am doing:
​
  • No more “I Wish”: I have spent way too much time wishing things would get back to normal instead of using my time, environment and opportunities wisely. So no more “I wish.” Instead I am working on “I Am.” What am I doing? Blogging again, speaking at events, coaching, getting engaged with like minded people, pushing myself personally by getting back to my yoga mat, doing deeper meditations. You know why? Because I am worth it now, and I don’t need to wish for it, I can do it NOW.

Read More
2 Comments

Not News To Me

6/6/2020

0 Comments

 
I debated for a while on posting something about what’s going on in America these past couple of weeks. Here’s the thing: this is not news to me. This is the culmination of thousands of events that have now brought us to a tipping point. The question now is: where do we go from here?

Lead with compassion: Trust that you won’t ever really know another person’s experience but that your commitment to supporting each other through this shift is necessary.

Listen with a quiet mind so you can hear the words and the pain: You can’t have compassion if you don’t take the time to listen and learn. Not just to the cries of people of color suffering but to the cries of our white brothers and sisters trying to make sense of this. We all have a hand in why our country is suffering right now. We ALL have a duty to listen. We ALL have a duty to not blame or point fingers but to embrace each other, forgive and heal.

Here’s my point: We can all talk over each other and say our peace about what’s right and wrong but if we can’t be quiet, listen and know that people are coming from a place of truth, for them, based on their experiences, we will NEVER move on.
If you are a leader pay attention. People are watching and listening to what you say and do. That is a heavy weight to carry. But it’s yours so use your voice wisely, lead from a platform of compassion and be the first to shut up and listen. People will follow your lead.
​
So: How are you dealing with all of this?
0 Comments

What’s Your Commitment Level

5/30/2020

2 Comments

 
Picture
It’s Saturday. What are you up to? I know, it’s still #quarantine2020 for a lot of us. Not a lot to do, see, experience…….Really? I wonder……I made a choice to invest in myself this weekend by taking a weekend long virtual conference on how to develop virtual events. I know!!! All weekend…on Zoom! I bet you are thinking, is it worth it since we are on Zoom/Skype/Virtual all week. My question to you is: are YOU WORTH IT????

Seriously. Taking time for self development should be one of the more energizing things you do. As we start getting back to the world, giving not just self care, but self development time to yourself is key to re-entering an event changing world. The key word is giving. This is a gift to yourself and its just as important that you give to you as it is to give to others.
​
So- What’s your self development for today? Are you trying something new? Taking a new risk? Learning something outside your comfort zone? Get to it people! no better time than the present.

2 Comments

On Becoming, and Not Just Coming Back

5/11/2020

0 Comments

 
As states start to reopen it feels like we are seeing a light at the end of the proverbial quarantine tunnel. You are probably hearing statements like “we are coming back to the life that we used to have.” We may very well returning to “normal” but how you return is up to you. I invite you to take a couple of moments of introspection with me and think about your “comeback.”

– What did you learn?: Often we don’t ask this question enough. I don’t mean the “what did you learn about the world, work, your partner/husband/friends.” I mean what did you learn about you? Are you resilient, tolerant, intolerant? Do you love and accept yourself as you are? Did you really need Starbucks (OK…..I do, I love it……) or are you good with a regular cup of coffee? We had a lot of time to be with ourselves. Do you see yourself in a different light? Maybe even have a lot more respect for yourself? This was not an easy road. We all have been impacted in different ways but I hope you can walk away with a stronger sense of self. I know I have.

Read More
0 Comments

Reaching Out

3/26/2020

7 Comments

 
I hope everyone is healthy and staying safe. These are strange and interesting times. Today I wanted to take a moment and reach out to you and make sure you are keeping up with your routine, staying present and reaching out/reaching in. I made a little video (trying out new things since I am sheltered in place). Let me know what you think and how you are staying in routine.
​
Reaching Out Video
7 Comments

Staying Balanced

2/26/2020

2 Comments

 
​I am sure you can relate: You think about someone or a situation and your mind plays the multiple scenarios in which things can go really well or really wrong. Better yet you practice the argument/fight in your head before it ever happens. Sound familiar? Here is a way to get out of that mental loop that does not serve you.

Step 1: Stay Present
We do this all the time and think its OK because its our brain on automatic. It’s actually not OK. Stay present and pay attention to your thoughts. That way you know what thoughts are triggering what emotions (yes, even the fake fights in your head create anxiety). If you are present and aware then you can also feel those emotions coming on and you can do something about it.

Staying present does something else. It lets you evaluate if your reaction is based on what is happening right now or based on past experience (even past experience that may be completely unrelated to your current situation). For example: I have a great relationship with a friend now. It did not use to be this way. We used to be pretty contentious. My issue was that I knew someone that was “like her.” And assumed I would get the same treatment from my friend as I did from the frenemy I used to have. Had I not stayed present and observed my current friend’s behavior I would have missed out on a great relationship strictly because I “just knew” how things were going to go.

Step 2: Self Dialogue
Yes I am back to this- talk to yourself and ask: These thoughts, is it my reality right now? Why am I preparing for a fight? Is the fight right now or am I guessing its going to happen? What is really happening right now?

Read More
2 Comments

Love Languages at Work

2/17/2020

1 Comment

 
​I know what you are thinking “Delpha, really?  Love languages at work?”  Yes, really.  Our use of language tends to separate how we feel about work.  We use words like passion, drive, engagement, collaboration, etc. to talk about our state of being or actions at work.  I would propose to you that we are human, our feelings don’t get new names when we go to work and therefore looking at work through the lenses of the 5 love languages makes sense. 

If you don’t know the 5 love languages, I highly encourage you to read or audio book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  It’s a great, easy read with a quiz to identify your love languages and that of your friends, significant others and family.  Here is the gist of it.  There are 5 love languages that humans use to express love:  Acts of Service; Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch.  At work, these play a role in how we show appreciation or see all those work words I listed above in our co-workers, employees and associates.  Here is an example:

Words of Affirmation:  This is my primary love language.  For me, it is most important to be told that I am valued by my employer.  My employer, like many others, is an entity (yes, since humans run the company you need to assume that as a group, the company has feelings too) who’s primary love language is receiving gifts which means that when they decide on raises, bonuses, etc. they are actually using their love language to express how they value you.  If your are like me you are going to look at this and say “Great!  But what about my words of affirmation- can you say you like me versus showing me?”  If you take a step back and acknowledge that your employer may not be a words of affirmation then it makes sense that you may not see/hear these words often but you may be shown “the love” through rewards and recognition, compensation and in ways that the company, as an entity, expresses its appreciation. 

Read More
1 Comment
<<Previous
Forward>>

    Categories

    All
    Leading At Work
    Leading Your Life

    Archives

    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    July 2019

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photo used under Creative Commons from Rmonty119
  • Home
  • About
    • Speaking Engagements
    • Guest Blogging
  • Blog
    • L & L Videos
  • Coaching & Courses
    • Master Courses
  • Podcast
  • Publications
  • Contact