Knowing Your Worth is Not Arrogance

​I am not sure why there is conflict between self-awareness and humbleness.  The reality of it is that we receive conflicting messages all the time on these two areas:  Stay humble = Put others first, don’t talk about yourself too much, do your work and you will be noticed (eventually).  Self-awareness = Know yourself, know your weaknesses, think before you speak (or email), know what you bring to the table, etc.  However, we refuse to say that self-awareness and staying humble can in fact show up in knowing and articulating your worth, speaking up for yourself and others, putting YOURSELF first because in doing so you are in fact better able to help others.  Maybe we need to go back and understand the meaning of humbleness, especially in the workplace.
 
Dictionary.com defines humbleness as:

      Noun

      The quality or state of being modest and lacking in pride or arrogance: We need to teach a      
       different kind of leadership, one where humbleness is more important than confidence.
 
     The quality or state of being or feeling low in rank, importance, status, worth, etc: We  
     observed the humbleness of the local homes, but also the hard-working ethic of the people  
     who lived in them.
 
Even these definitions give off the sense that humbleness = less than and less than somehow is a good thing.  The first example shows how engrained this idea this is in our culture.  When humbleness is more important than confidence, who is the one taking risks, who will pose the provocative ideas, who will move the needle forward with passion and vigor if that can be construed as the opposite of humbleness, arrogance?  When did being confident become a bad thing?
 
So what can we do.  In order to balance the scale between humbleness, self-awareness (including articulating your worth) and not coming across as arrogant, consider these:

• Don’t give into the hype:  Yes, this is hard but the reality is that you need to live with yourself and your decisions first.  Don’t apologize for who you are, your value or your awareness of it.  Don’t conform if it’s not a good fit for you.  
• Challenge thoughtfully:  It’s great that you have a voice, but are you using it wisely?  You want to be thoughtful as you put out your ideas and be opportunistic on when and where you articulate your worth (Yeah, opportunistic is not a bad word or behavior so long as you are thoughtful and are not taking advantage of others).
• Know your audience:  It’s fine to challenge and or speak your truth, but know your audience first.  If you know your audience is already set in their ways around awareness vs humbleness, think about what is your intent in pushing the envelope with them?  A lot of times we are screaming at the top of our lungs to be heard in front of those that unfortunately are not willing to listen.  So why are you there?
• Consider asking what humbleness means:  When you are getting feedback about your behavior I would ask you to ask questions.  If the “issue” is you need to be more humble, when you ask- tell me what I did that made you think I am not humble- it causes the other person to really think about their definition of humbleness.  Being assertive, confident, aware of your worth, innovative, etc. does not mean that you are not humble.  It may mean that your communication style needs tweaking or that you and that person need to come to a consensus on how you and your intentions are perceived.  *** Ladies, unfortunately arrogance is used more frequently when describing strong, confident women so we do need to brave up and have these conversations more often. 

 
So, how are you showing up today?  I propose we start showing up confidently self-aware and mindfulinstead of humble.